吳詩綺老師的教學部落格

這次是大家寫作的第二篇文章, 兩班評分之後, 有兩位高手得到六分的好分數唷。

先前都是讓大家看到老師我給的評語，這次就交由大家來當評鑑大師，說說你看到文章的想法和建議吧。

能夠看完人家的文章，給予中肯且有內容的建議，也是很重要的作文能力唷。因為你能夠從中觀察到細節，然後知道優缺點，下次你也會漸漸的在自己的文章中注意到各種寫作注意事項。

依璇第一次交，就拿到六分的好分數。但是由底下的評分表得知，依璇的此篇文章，可改進之處還是很多。如果能夠在第二遍時改善，此篇文章就更趨完善了。

Score 6:  Excellent

• Develops ideas well and uses many specific details related to the topic.
• Is well organized with clear transitions; maintains focus.
• Sustains varied sentence structure.
• Exhibits specific word choices.
• Contains little or no errors in grammar, spelling, capitalization, and punctuation; errors do not interfere with understanding.

     Feeling the tender feeling of the sunbeam sprinkling on my face, I woke up and headed for the bathroom to get things done. As usual, I brushed my teeth with my favorite tooth paste- lemon flavor. Unexpectedly, I looked at the mirror and discovered that my short hair became long and curly. My chubby face turned into a egg-looking shape. "Is that a miracle?", I thought in my mind. Then, I walked downstairs with delight and wanted to share my pleasure with my mom. Suddenly, I heard mom screaming,"What are you ding? You're late for your school."
     OK, I was really late for school; however, right now I was not a student but a teacher. According to my comprehension,this was my first job- a kindergarten teacher, after I graduated from college. Although most people thought children were difficult to be educated, this job was not a hard task to me. In fact, since I was little, I had always been the overlord, predominated over the whole children in the school.
     Playing with little kids was so interesting that I almost fell in love with those little cuties and this job. Nevertheless, a sweet dream is short-lived. All the happiness was torn apart and made children restless. Jane and Anne, had used to be the best friend in the class, fought with each other this afternoon. None of us knew what happened between them! To my surprise, the most terrible thing occurred. At fist, I thought arguments happened friends were common, I needn't be worried about it. However, I was absolutely wrong. The war between Jane and Anne had become incandescent. Children separated into two groups- one was called Jane group, and the other was named Anne group. The two crowds fought with each other everyday. They even didn't talked a single word. Things got worse, and I wished all the terrible mass had not been real.
     After a few days, Jane and Anne still didn't sign into a ceasefire. I was so furious at dealing with their arguments, but I couldn't yell at them and say any bad words. In the afternoon, the two groups fought with each other again. I had never seen such a serious fought between them. Some kids got hurt, and some lay on the floor crying. As I was going to stop their war, Jane cried. She said, " Anne, I am sorry to wear your shoes without your agreement. I just think that it is so beautiful and want to get a try. Please forgive me. I still want to be your best friend." Anne started to cry, too. She replied Jane, " Of course we can still be friend. I am wrong as well. I shouldn't be mad at you." The two little girl hugged and the war lay between the had no longer alive. I was so happy that I jumped up and cheered. Suddenly, I felt someone was producing a grievous pain on my head and pulling me back into reality.
     " Wake up, little pig. You're late for school." I opened my eyes and heard mom was screaming. I hid into my blanket and told her that the school wouldn't open until nine. Mom was raged in anger and shouted, " Do you think you are still studying in a kindergarten? Wake up immediately." I got out from my warm bed and washed my face. What had happened several minutes ago was just a dream, I realized. However, the little two girls made me understand the unique value of friendship. Friends were for ever, and apologizing first was not a shameful deed. "It was really a nice dream, wasn't it?", I thought to myself. 


[Sunny 的評語]
依璇的擅長就是她文章的故事性很強，因此此種含幻想的主題，正式發揮的好題材。
請大家也一同來說說看你的感想，請回應如下。